On Men and Women

(Note: It's past nine o'clock PM when I started writing this blog from our bedroom. That is, after watching a sort of documentary film, Mail Order Wife downstairs, alone, for I was by myself at home. My wife and her sister, my sis-in-law were in their part-time job, while my young adult son was at his friend's house.)

It's unbelievable what a dollar can do to someone like me. I mean, what a dollar book, a new one, can be that interesting, insightful, informative, inspirational, and educational to me. Yes, I couldn't believe it myself that I was able to read it in one sitting today. If I'm not mistaken, I started reading it at ten this morning and finished it by six or seven o'clock this evening. What's the name/title of the book? Guess what, it's the same title as that 2003 movie directed by Sophia Coppola (her second feature film), starring comedian Bill Murray and Scarlett Johannson, and was nominated for four Academy Awards (and it won Best Original Screenplay). Simply put, it's Lost in Translation (How Men and Women Can Understand Each Other) by Dr. Steve Stephens, a licensed psychologist, marriage and family therapist, and popular seminar speaker who has authored more than twenty books.

How, where, and when did I get hold of this book? Well, here's the story behind my possession of this four-year old book that was published in 2007. But it's new, to me, because I just bought it, with other nine new books, a day ago. No, it's not from a bookstore, as you may think. It's from a Dollar Store less than two hours drive from where I live. It's near or a part of Richmond, the capital of Virginia (aka Old Dominion). What exactly the place is? Does Glen Allen sound familiar to you? Probably not. It's a part of Henrico County.

Okay, let me tell you, in detail, why my wife and I ended up there in the first place. From my previous blog entry, I've mentioned the place Glen Allen. Yes, we got used to be familiar with the place when my wife and I stayed there for almost a week. (I accompanied my wife to her conference at Virginia Wyndham Crossing Hotel and Conference Center in mid June, this year.) Now, almost every weekend that our daughter spends her weekend with us. And for early Monday morning, each time we drive/bring our daughter back to Charlottesville (where she's having summer internship and class), my wife and I almost always drive/drop by at Glen Allen, which is like forty-five minutes to an hour drive from Charlottesville. I don't know what got my wife to that place that she wants us to have lunch at a Subway Restaurant there. And, to do a little shopping there after lunch, you know. That's exactly the case. Though I don't feel like going to any store or strip mall each time we drop by at Glen Allen, or any place for that matter, I have to agree with her decision because she says she feels good if she goes to a store walking or "window shopping", even if she doesn't intend to buy anything. But, it happens that I ended up buying one-dollar books of which the book I mentioned above was one them. The rest actually are biographical, non-fiction. I don't know but I'm more inclined to choosing non-fiction over fiction books each time I have the opportunity to purchase a book. Anyway, that's the story behind owning a copy of Lost in Translation, the book.

How glad and thankful I was for having read the 210 pages-book in almost eight hours! I felt good, and, while in the course of reading it, there were moments that I was smiling or laughing to myself because there were parts that were delightfully funny to me. I found the book insightful, informative, and educational. It is sort of a helpful guide for me, as a married man. From it, I learned how men and women are so different in so many ways and it gave me the opportunity to make room for adjustments and have a fresh perspective of understanding our uniqueness and differences. To me, the book serves as a reminder of what it takes to maintain a healthy marriage relationship. Open communication always stands out as one of the keys or elements in a long-lasting relationship. Worth-mentioning, too, are love and respect for each other. Likewise, the book contains passages or quotations from the Holy Bible which, to me, makes it more interesting and inspiring.

In Lost in Translation, Dr. Steve Stephens, the author, listed down the following seven common differences that frequently show up in a marriage: 1) Extroverts and Introverts 2) Leapers and Lookers 3) Spenders and Savers 4) Runners and Relaxers 5) Dreamers and Drivers 6) Collectors and Tossers 7) Planners and Flexers. Furthermore, he wrote, "differences are not only normal and healthy---they're crucially important for a healthy marriage...are a wonderful strength; provide balance and open one's eyes to varied perspectives...challenge our patience, our compassion, our understanding, our humility." He asked us what do we do with all our differences? And, thus, he provided us, readers, with these useful four strategies, the so-called "ABCs (and D) of making the most of our uniqueness: 1) Accept. Sometimes we just need to relax and accept the situation the way it is. He is the way he is; she is the way she is. Things aren't going to change, and it's okay. Everything doesn't have to go our way. 2)Back down. Sometimes we need to admit that our spouses then have good points, and their way might even be better than our way. Then we back down and make changes they prefer, without complaining. 3) Compromise. In certain situations we both need to look for the middle ground and find a compromise...A healthy compromise---both spouses willing to change---can be a strong statement of mutual respect. 4) Discuss. If the previous three strategies don't work, this is the last option. We discuss---not demand---whether the other spouse is willing to make a change. We humbly explain why this is important to us and graciously accept their decision."

In closing, I've thought of jotting down some lines, based on the book I've just read. Collectively, I just titled the whole thing as Men and Women. Here it is:

Men and Women

sponges and turtles
space and closeness
suppressive and communicative
butterflies and buffaloes
general and specific
competitive and connective
fast and slow
single-minded and multitasking
deleting and scrapbooking
resistant and desirous
silent and talkative
clams and crowbars
boxes and rubber bands
taker and giver
insightful and intuitive
independent and interdependent
visual and verbal
sexual and emotional
respect and love
traditional and contemporary
men and women.

copyright 2011 by chris alibin quilpa