Since Sunday evening, I have had physical discomfort. I've been in pain, literally. On my lower back down to my coccyx, hips. Obviously, I felt that tremendous, stabbing pain on my lower back. (The feeling is that of an open wound, stabbing, with spasms that's so painful and excruciating, and radiating down to my legs! Yes, I've had sciatica.)
I believe that I re-injured my back after doing some lifting/carrying some grocery items from Sunday's Commissary shopping after Mass. Trying to be of help to my wife, I have had to assist her bring those grocery items to the house. As you may know, I have had chronic lower back pain problem for years. (I've been diagnosed with DDD/DJD, osteoarthritis, and fibromyalgia.)
I know and am very much aware that I should not be lifting or carrying heavy objects over ten pounds, per my doctors's order. I'm guilty of this, at times. I can't help it but do something to help. I know, I should help myself first before helping others. But, I don't know. As I've said, I can't help but to help.
On Monday, I didn't do anything but to nurse myself in our room. Of course, I did some praying. I offered my pain to Jesus and tried to manage my pain by lying down in bed and meditated on the sufferings of Jesus when He was crucified. What I feel or felt was nothing compared to his. That's a consolation for me. That made me feel better.
I admit, I have good days and bad days, just like everybody else. I look good in the outside. But deep inside me, I've already been "damaged" because of those invasive procedures done to my lower (lumbar) back spine when I was still active U.S. serviceman. The Pain Management, in the naval hospital where I worked and eventually retired, didn't actually manage my pain (in my belief) but damaged and did more pain and harm to my body (and soul). It was so hard for me to accept that I'm already disabled, not only physically but mentally. (My eyes are already drowning as I continue writing this blog post!)
I feel depressed, at times. I feel good, at times, too. But, when my whole body pain, especially radiating from my lower back all the way down, is becoming unbearable for me, nothing matters. Except my faith in Jesus and our Almighty God! And that makes the difference on how I live each day as if my last. My faith in God and His Beloved Son Jesus Christ (my Inspiration/Savior/Redeemer) is the only one that keeps me alive, and going in life.
Tuesday, yesterday, I have had to go to my follow up appointment in Internal Medicine, about my lab test results on my cholesterol. (I'm glad and thankful to know that my cholesterol level went down! But I have to continue taking my meds, probably for life!) To the nurse practitioner who saw me, I mentioned her about my current condition and about my chronic lower back pain. I told her that I may have "re-injured" my lower back. She advised me to continue with my current medications and prescribed me a new one, a muscle relaxant and for inflammation. When I left her office, I thanked her for the opportunity of seeing and helping me.
While waiting for my number to be called in the Pharmacy (a lot of patients were waiting there!), I decided to attend/participate the 1130 Mass in the hospital's chapel, on the third floor adjacent to the OR. Thanks to God for that opportune time. I felt relieved after receiving the Eucharist or Holy Communion (the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ). Yes, Jesus relieved my pain!
At home, I'm presently recovering but still in pain. But I try to continue living my life each day, as if my last. As Lent continues, and as springtime has arrived, I live now, the present moment. I thank God that I'm doing okay while the sun is up there.
Until next time around. Thank you, Jesus! -chris a. quilpa, 21March2012
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